KIDS ARE STRESSED: MYTH OR REALITY?
Marie is 3 years old. Her parents broke up last year, but still maintain a good relationship. Marie spends one week at her dad’s and one week at her mom’s. She goes to the daycare five days a week and every Friday, she leaves with her bag tucked under her arm, because on Friday’s she changes house. Obviously, Marie is a very busy child, even a little rushed. But does that necessarily mean she is stressed?
Most of us would answer by the affirmative and this answer is explained by the idea that we have of stress. The majority of people see stress as a result of time pressure. This means that we would be stressed when we do not have time to do what we want in a period of time and when we are rushed in time. In this case, Marie could be a stressed child because chez is constantly rushed by time, running from mom to dad, and rushing every morning to get to the daycare. Here’s the myth… What about the reality?
In the last 30 years, scientific research has demonstrated that the popular definition, that stress was caused by time pressure was wrong and that this could bring false interpretation of the conditions of stress and even in the way that we treat your children’s stress. The researchers discovered that time pressure is actually a consequence of stress and not the opposite. In fact, for a situation to be stressful it must contain one of these three conditions: it must be new, unpredictable and the person must have the impression that she does not have the control over the situation. Thus, time pressure is just a consequence of lost of control over time and does not define stress in itself.
Novelty, unpredictability and lack of control over a situation…Here’s the perfect recipe for a stressful situation. Having in mind this definition of stress, it is clear that kids are more vulnerable to stress then adults, because often, they do not have the capacity to control a situation in a way to diminish the novelty and the unpredictability. The management of kids stress will then pass by the parental control. Many studies showed that parent by acting in a way to diminish novelty and unpredictability for there kids, they then increase the sense of control which then diminishes their stress.
When Marie’s parents broke up, it was undoubtedly an extremely stressful situation because it was new, unpredictable and the child had the impression that she did not have control over the situation. However, if Marie’s parents were able to maintain a healthy relationship, that they slowly exposed Marie to the new apartment and that they left her a little latitude of decision on what frequency she would visit them, they contributed to diminish her stress. It is then totally possible that today, Marie is not a stressed child and that she develops as well as a kid that was not victim of these family events.